Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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