Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Randomize
