Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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