Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
