toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
third nipple confirmed
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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