Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
