Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
