I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
