Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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