so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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