Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
