he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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