I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
