Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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