she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
