My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
How's work?
Spinning.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
