Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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