I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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