my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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