A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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