My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
