Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she woke up with a sticky ear
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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