I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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