New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
