Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
