We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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