I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
