During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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