Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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