HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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