i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
