i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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