you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
