I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
