You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
