I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
