thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
