Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
