You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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