You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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