I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
