it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
