I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
