I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
