wrigley field is MILF paradise
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
