no. you can't hotbox the world.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
