We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
