I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
