And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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