her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
